Why Being Vulnerable In Relationship is Important

Being Vulnerable As A Man

Is Being Vulnerable A Bad Thing For A Man?


In relationships and in life men are often frightened of being vulnerable. We try to hide our feelings away and this not only effects us in our relationships but also in life in general. We can seem shut down and distant from others. And yet is being vulnerable a bad thing for a man? Could it be that vulnerability is actually a strength?

Vulnerability Growing Up

As a boy it can certainly seem that vulnerability is a bad thing. We are bullied or laughed at if we show weakness or vulnerability. We are told to be strong, to have a stiff upper lip and “to keep a lid on it.” And so we learn to shut down and not share our deepest feelings and emotions.

And while this it can be helpful to be able to get on and do even when there are challenges, to be always like this can be damaging to us as men, and especially in relationship to women.

Vulnerability in relationship

A woman generally feels more comfortable being vulnerable. In general she has grown up being able to share her feelings more openly. And therefore there can be an expectation from a woman in relationship that a man will do the same, and be vulnerable.

I was at a Rotary Club meeting a few days ago where I was invited to speak to about mental health. One of the men mentioned that if you wander through our local town then it is the women gathered in the cafes talking, sharing their stories and their vulnerability. Not the men.

This same man reflected that he had always seen vulnerability as a bad thing but was learning that it was actually a real strength.

In relationship with a woman a man needs to show vulnerability from time to time. When a man is vulnerable and shares from his heart he lets a woman know where he is at. “Okay, I'm struggling today...” “I feel this...” To indulge or get lost in this vulnerable place will not help the relationship either. But letting your guard down and being honest with how you feel will deepen your relationship and let it blossom.

How To Be Vulnerable

It can be frightening to start off with for men. We don't want to share where we are at and in some cases we are not sure what we feel. This takes practice. Here are a few pointers:

  1. Start with the physical sensations – what are the sensations that you feel? eg. Butterflies, fear, a tightening of my throat...

  2. Ask yourself, “What is beneath this?” It might be tears or fears, anxieties or worries. Share those with your woman.

  3. Breath as your emotions and feelings come up.

  4. Be as honest as you can while always bringing it back to yourself and your feelings, “I am feeling this…” “It feels like…”

When a man does this the woman then knows where he is at, she doesn't have to guess. And a deep connection can start to form.


The following video explores this further...

Many blessings and please do comment below…

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Piers Cross