What do you do when you are no longer attracted to your spouse? Is it time to finish the relationship? Is it time to seek connection in other ways with other people?
This loss of attraction is a common occurrence in relationships. Many men find after a period of time that the passion is no longer there. What can you do as a man? What does this mean?
No Attraction To Your Woman
In my own relationship with my wife I have been very fortunate. When she first asked me to teach sacred sexuality with her my reply was, “Yes.” When she then said, “That that would mean being sexual partners,” I replied, “But I'm not sexually attracted to you.” And her reply? “Well, I'm not attracted to you either.”
For most, this is a strange way to start a relationship. It seems alien. Surely there needs to be passion, lust and a sexual connection? Yes, most relationships start with that passion but very quickly they change.
3 Levels of Love in Relationships
I see that there are 3 levels of love in intimate relationships.
The first is called evolutionary love. This is what gets most people together - that sexual connection and sexual chemistry.
Literally you have the body's chemicals running round your system – oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine - it feels great.
The second level is Buddy Love. The chemicals stop being produced as much at this point in the relationship and you become buddies, mates, or great friends with your partner.
If you are saying that you are no longer attracted to your woman, the chances are you are here. Your lovemaking dies off and you start to look for stimulation in other areas – fantasizing, pornography or addictions.
The third level is deep love. This is when you learn to see beyond the external shell of attraction and see deeply into your woman.
The love you feel is so deep and intense that it fills you and your partner. Deep love is an amazing space and yet takes cultivation on your part. Deep love flows from self love. Here you have 2 people who love themselves so much that they literally shine in each other's company.
What to do when you no longer find your spouse attractive?
There are 3 main things that you can do when you are no longer attracted to your partner. The first is to leave. The second is to stay and do nothing. And the third is to do the work to step into deep love.
The first way, which is to leave your partner, means you go back to level one – evolutionary love. You start to look for a new woman. This path is fine but all the work you've done with your wife comes to an end and you have to start again. It takes time to build the trust, the depth and connection that is required for deep love.
The second option is to stay as it is. But as a man you are at a disadvantage. Nearly 70 percent of all divorces are initiated by the woman. You might be happy to stay in buddy love but does your woman?
If you were to ask a woman whether she wants buddy love or deep love which do you think she would choose?
The third option is to make a decision to commit to deep love. It is not an easy path. Your work is to start to fall in love with you again. To fill yourself up so you can take that step into depth, into loving unconditionally, to love so much that it doesn't matter what your woman looks like or does you love her anyway.
Your love for your woman becomes a doorway to loving life and beyond. It is a doorway to becoming the greatest version of you. This is then reflected in the whole of your life – your health, your business and your happiness (Napoleon Hill emphasizes the importance of a loving spouse in his seminal work Think & Grow Rich).
So if you no longer find your woman attractive – celebrate. Change is on the horizon and a depth of love you can only imagine is just over the hill. Are you willing to take that step that is the question…
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